From Max Walker's blog (thank Max for this)


Don't ask why I chose to write about this today because truthfully, I don't know. I haven't written something about Jacky and Vadim since their death almost two years ago. Let's begin...

It all started in Laurence's car. Ordinarily enough,I had just finished eating with Jesse and we were busy checking out all the beautiful Westmount houses. We past this HUGE white stone house and then it hit me. I know that sentence isn't grammatically correct but I don't care. Anyway, we were passing by this huge house when it struck me. All I could remember were the words Karen said on September the 8th, she was the one who broke the news to us.

"I have the worst news you could possibly hear"
"I have the worst news you could possibly hear"
"I have the worst news you could possibly hear"
"I have the worst news you could possibly hear"

God those words stuck with me. I still remember Karen's face, her piercing eyes were full of tears. Karen is the most truthful person I know. If everyone in the world was as honest and kind as Karen the world would be a much prettier place. I remember our director, Paolo Barzman sitting next to the window, sobbing to himself. Paolo was, up to that point the strongest human being I knew. This isn't to say that I now consider him weak, the man is the furthest thing from that. I had just never seen Paolo vulnerable, we'd been shooting for about two months and I had yet to see him vulnerable, not for one second. He had no control of the situation, none of us did, even the line producer...

I remember Laurence falling straight to the floor. She didn't fall, they dropped. I just stood there, dumbfounded. It took what seemed like an eternity to me for me to realize what had happened. That room was so damn weird. Not cold, but not hot, just weird. I walked out of the room completely lifeless, I didn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it. I honestly just stumbled down the hall my face drained of life. And it was so damn beautiful outside, that's the part that bugs me. It was a PERFECT sunny day, and it was like that for the eight days after the accident. Not one cloud in sight, just perfection. I can't really say what happened for the rest of the day, it was such a horrible day. Paolo, Diandra, Karen, Derek, Laurence, Matt and I all spent that afternoon on the bleacher outside of the production office. We sat and talked. We sat and cried. I remember playing basketball with Matt and Diandra, and for a moment while playing I forgot. I forgot about everything that had happened in that day, everything. I only wish the next six months were as easy. It would've been bliss. But instead, I spent the next six months (along with Meaghan and Laurence) thinking, analyzing, lying and crying to myself. I'm still not over it, none of us are.

I couldn't really say who's funeral was worst. Jacky's was the first one I went to and it was MASSIVE. I easn't expecting that many people, there were close to three thousand. It was sad and it was hard. However, I know my grieving was nothing compared to that of Jacky's family. They loved her so much, they fucking adored her. Terri and Larry (Jacky's parents) were always such happy and joyful people, but I'll always remember the sound of Terri shrieking. What grief her and Larry must have gone through, bless their souls. It was her youngest daughters funeral, nothing can explain how sad that funeral was. Nothing. I mean Jacky was perfect, she was flawless. No one will ever convince me otherwise. She would always come up to me on set, pinch my cheeks and say 'OUUUEWWW'. God, I still remember that. Such an injustice, such a fucking injustice.

Vadim's was worse. There were so many people jammed into this small little church. The place was packed, so packed that Vadim would've laughed. He would say in his sly little french accent

"All this for me?"

Yes Vadim, all this for you. Me, Laurence and Meaghan were going to get up and say a word or two about Vadim, but I'll get to that later on. I remember seeing the casket come in, lead by his loving family. He had four smaller brothers and he was a hero to all of them, the big brother. The one thing that sticks in my mind is Vadim's four year old brother Aleosha sitting on his father's shoulders. He had no clue what was happening. No one knew what was happening, no one.

Music played a big part in Vadim's funeral, just as it did in his life. They played one of Vadim's favorite songs, Angel by Robby Williams. I remember mid point in that song Jean-Paul (Vadim's father) stuggled to the alter and threw his hands up in despair. The music was penetrating him, penetrating his heart. Such a beautiful fucking image. And God, Vadim could sing. He was such a star, he was born one, just like Jacky. They're both stars now, just in a different way.

And now to get to the speech. As I mentioned earlier we were asked by Vadim's parents to say a few words about him. Horribly enough, this was to be right after watching a short hommage video made by one of our editors. At that point we had yet to see any material from 15/Love. And boy did it hit us hard. When the video rolled it was devastating. Seeing them both on screen just destroyed us three. The whole church starting crying loudly, but no ones crying could be ours. For us it was the hardest thing we've ever seen. We had been there for all those moments, we remember everything that happened on those days and it hit us particularly hard. He was so god damned beautiful, she was so damn beautiful. Those were some of the hardest days of my life. But, I don't want to sound selfish. Nothing compares to how Vadim's family felt or how Jacky's felt. They were both the heroes of the household, they were both idolised but anyone they knew, including me.

May whatever force out there guard and protect them. Laurence, Meaghan and I all know that they're still with us. Just in a different way. I love you both.